I’ve constantly considered myself to be sexually open, especially with my ex-girlfriend. We met fairly randomly however it wasn’t long before we learned we appreciated the very same things, an especially in the sack.

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I chosen the fact that she retained books and articles around how to improve sex and be a much more sexual person. I intend I liked it due to the fact that compared come previous girlfriends or casual partners, it proved she had an investment in act something well. (If she to be willing to expand her sexual expertise base, I could only benefit, right?)

But together our connection progressed, i learned over there was maybe such a thing as knowing too much. The much more she read, the worse sex actually became, since instead that it being a communicative point — where we explored what we wanted — it became, “Hey, ns learned this thing and now I desire to carry out it … even if you don’t favor it.”

Soon, she had actually me questioning whether or not I to be even good in bed. Each time we’d have sex, i felt like I to be trying to execute some sort of balancing action or half-assed contortionist routine.

If i didn’t do things precisely right, climate it would certainly be an issue and also it take it forever for she to climax, come the allude that I started to shed interest in even if it is or not she come at all.

By the moment I decided to walk away from the relationship, I enjoyed masturbation an ext than sex v her.

However, some behavior die hard, and after a couple months us were see each other again. I uncovered that even though we more than likely weren’t sexually compatible, i was tho turned on by her quite a bit.

On our first date back, I want to do the night special. Ns took her to a pretty Italian restaurant, wherein we captured up top top the last couple of months us were apart. There was dinner, drinks and also dancing, and everything felt right again.

She to be pretty adamant that I’d be staying the night. I wasn’t going come refuse the offer, and also to be honest, i knew i was continuing to be the night too because things were going also well in between us because that me not to.

Once within her apartment, we did the nightcap point where we drank just one much more drink, which, in every fairness to be one drink as well many, more than likely for both of us. Indigenous there, we immediately started tearing far at one another, and also I figured, “Hey, let’s go upstairs.”

I climbed the ladder as much as her loft and also laid confront down ~ above the bed, wait for her. She inquiry me if I wanted a massage, i m sorry of course i did. Admittedly, the alcohol had completely taken over at this suggest and the was all I might do to stay awake as I awaited she in the dark the the bedroom loft.

I to be just around to happen out completely when the sound the the ladder allow me understand she was finally upstairs. Ns was pretty excited to gain laid and a massage, because why not?

To her credit, the massage to be really great and peaceful me also further 보다 the copious quantities of wine currently had me. Maybe since I wasn’t entirely sober or i felt so good that i didn’t care, I appeared to neglect that component of the massage had her rubbing massage oil on mine ass.

The last point I mental was she whispering in my ear, “Stay best there, ok be best back.” i figured she walk to obtain a condom from her nightstand as per usual, however I no hear the drawer open.

Suddenly, ns felt her straddle me, but something no feel fairly right. Prior to I could figure out what it was that simply wasn’t right, i felt something go in mine ass.

Clearly, she anticipated that probably I’d be taken aback around something walking in through the out door. She had actually her hands on my shoulders together she began to pump in and out.

Of course, also drunk i was certainly the stronger one in the situation, so ns turned just enough to get her to protect against putting what I now realized was a DILDO into my ass.

Her an initial move to be to try to reassure me that everything was OK because 1) she was still a woman and also I to be still a man, therefore this wasn’t going to turn me gay, 2) it was just between us, therefore I should trust her, and 3) I should do this because it would make her gain off.

I suppose due to the fact that I was drunk, and also my mind wasn’t registering this the right way, #3 persuaded me come let her carry out what she wanted since god forbid ns re-enter the connection with the very same feelings of sex-related inadequacy. Ns let her climb earlier on top and by god she was enjoying herself.

As she poked and also prodded, i remembered one of my girlfriend confiding that he let his wife “peg” him, as the saying goes because that women who wear strap-ons because that anal sex with guys — and he actually delighted in it. Ns was decidedly not among those people.

I had actually to stop things quickly after ns let her begin again because I merely didn’t desire it, which came to be a large mood-killer for her. Yet hell, my mood was dead as soon as the dildo go in.

Amazingly, she still want to have sex and of course, it was as poor as ever, which to be the saddest irony of all in the somehow I assumed that things would be different. And they were, but not in a method I could’ve ever expected.

Once I observed daylight creep through her blinds, i knew it to be time to leave. Ns climbed over her to gain off the bed, and also for the very first time, I witnessed the strap-on laying in the corner of the loft. It to be purple, but of an median size. I wanted to choose it up for a closer inspection however the moment I inched forward, something within me said, “It’s time come leave.”

Driving home, I concentrated on the tree that had actually yet come sprout leaves and a road that felt as long and as lonely as ever. It remained in that minute I realized something i didn’t desire to recognize to myself: ns was raped.

I didn’t want to think of the that method for a variety of reasons, particularly because ns begrudgingly provided consent. Yet what type of male would recognize that he to be raped in that manner?

Then I began to watch inward and I thought about my friend who liked gaining pegged. I wondered if ns was afraid to discover out if I’d reap it, that probably I to be afraid to learn that I might be gay. I went through a number of feelings on the ride home, yet ultimately, I pertained to the conclusion the I simply didn’t desire it to happen again.

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As I acquired home and climbed into my very own bed, ns wondered if this is how women feeling after gift taken benefit of by someone they trusted. Prior to closing my eyes, I determined not only let it go, but additionally let she go.

While ns felt more confused by things than violated, ns knew I might do much better than what happened that night — I’d just have to do it v someone else.