You are watching: Women don t know what they want
We to be standing in the small room at the really corner of my friend’s parents’ garage, where the committed smoking area was. It was cold, however we to be laughing and also chatting our night away.
This girlfriend of mine to be the nice man in our group. He wasn’t the many handsome one, however he was thought about a “gentleman” according to the standards we had actually for men ten year ago. And he to be charming and sweet.
After we finished our cigarettes, us left the small smoking room and walked through the garage towards the house.
But before entering the main house, my girlfriend took my hand and also asked me to remain behind because that a minute. I didn’t question it. Ns simply followed him to the dark edge of the garage wherein other human being won’t see us, waiting for what he want to say come me.
The moment we were the end of sight, the leaned in and kissed me. Well, he tried to, but I crude oil slapped mine hand end his face, advertise him away.
I no mad. Ns wasn’t scared. I was confused.
Before I could mutter a reasonable response and ask the what the hell to be he doing, though, he gained mad.
His instant reaction was: “Oh, so friend don’t desire to kiss me, right? since I’m no James (fake name for a man I provided to do out with all the time), ns not an excellent enough because that you?”
These were the native coming the end of my ideal friend’s mouth — the one who was the quite guy.
The one that would hang approximately with mostly girls and also have girly chats v them. The guy who composed a tune for my birthday and also who gifted me his favourite hoodie due to the fact that I love it therefore much.
My instant reaction was guilt. Ns felt negative for rejecting him. I felt bad for making him feel bad. I felt poor that his reaction was rude and aggressive.
And i’ve felt that method for many years after the event. Eight years to it is in exact.
I always thought that it would have been far better if I just went through the kiss and after that pretended the it didn’t happen or that I’m not sure if I’m right into him.
It would have been easier to simply play dumb and also unsure that myself rather than assert the fact that I have no attention in him. I thought that we might have to be friends to this particular day if i haven’t made it weird and awkward, and passive-aggressive in between us the night.
This to be such a popular meme we supplied to share v friends and also family and also laugh at it.
“Oh, but that’s so true! Women deserve to never comprise their mind as soon as it involves things.” I remember myself saying.
We were constantly laugh at for not consisting of our minds about what food we want to eat, what boy execute we desire to date, or which dress do we want to wear.
As if not being may be to make up your mind about whether come eat Taco Bell or McDonald’s because that dinner is a women-only thing.
Spoiler alarm — decision-making doesn’t have actually anything to do with her gender. Us all have problems when we have too many selections in front of us, and also we all have the ability to occupational on our decision-making skills.
But that course, because that women, it’s also something else.
Our i can not qualify to make up our mental stems from the means we to be raised. We were trained to no show strong emotions and opinions since it wasn’t in our ideal interest.
Well, once you invest your entirety childhood and teenhood believing that having actually an opinion ~ above a matter is wrong, it’s no wonder you struggle with consisting of your mind as an adult.
Strong will and also opinions top top every single subject room rewarded qualities in men. Lock a fatality sentence to any type of woman, though.
But that’s no all. In fact, there is even a better reason why we never ever seem to make up our minds.
Playing dumb and praying because that the best
The various other day my ideal friend sent out me a screenshot of a conversation she had with among her good guy friends. Also, among those “nice guys.”
In those messages, the complained about women not understanding what lock want and also sending blended signals as soon as they’re in the club.
He said that ladies seem choose they want the attention, dancing in a circle all dressed up. Yet when men start coming to them, they say that they’re not interested, and also it sends men mixed signals.
Poor men are all mixed up and confused.
My friend discovered it funny. I personally didn’t.
A couple of days before seeing this conversation, ns was composing an short article on why perform straight girl make out with various other girls. Throughout my research, I found out the a most women do it due to the fact that they want to enjoy partying and fooling roughly without the expectation of going further.
You see, as soon as you dance in the club v a man or even go together far regarding make out with him, that thinks the you’re coming residence with him. That feels entitled to take it it come the bedroom due to the fact that why else would certainly you waste his time simply having actually some chaste fun?
After analysis experiences that girls who feel the pressure from males when they’re merely trying to have fun in ~ the club, i realized that we, women, understand what us want.
We know which man we desire to have actually sex with, which guy we discover attractive, and which we don’t.
But we don’t constantly let the males know due to the fact that we’re afraid of the reaction that our decision will certainly prompt.
You see, periodically it’s less complicated to pretend favor we don’t understand rather than insult a guy’s feelings and face backlash. And 90% the the time, there is fucking backlash.
It’s more secure to select to beat dumb and be referred to as indecisive than to actually challenge the reaction from males that space uncomfortable in ~ best and can be dangerous at the worst.
Straight guys go through life without reasoning whether their actions or words are going to be a reaction from someone. They don’t waste also a moment of your time thinking about it.
Women, however, are constantly calculating just how what us say, do, or the method we dress will certainly make men around us react.
What is this male going to execute if ns refuse to go house with him? Will, he just calls me a slut and a bitch, or will certainly he take it it a step further and also force himself on me?
What will my boyfriend say if I begin making decisions because that us? will certainly he feeling threatened and leave me because that a woman who’s no as opinionated?
Making a decision always has a price
When ns was 19 years old I worked in this an extremely fancy restaurant bar together a barback. There was just one various other girl functioning as a bartender in the bar, and also the remainder of the employee was men.
Handsome, hot, grown-ass guys who really liked hitting ~ above women. I was really young and also raised to believe that any type of attention native a man was a compliment, even if ns didn’t asking for the attention.
There to be one male who was exceptionally persistent. He to be aggressively hitting ~ above me, grabbing my hand or my ass as he pass by me in the bar and tried to acquire me to walk on a date with him.
I didn’t desire to.
When I finally made that clear the I have actually no attention in him, the turned into the greatest asshole in the world.
He stopped talking with me, skipping my existence in the bar completely, which made it really hard come work because barbacks are there to assist bartenders. He would certainly exclude me native conversations, and also it do me very uncomfortable.
It to be hell functioning there top top the nights that he was working. Ns was for this reason emotionally drained after that place. And some days, ns regretted making my decision clear to him. I told myself the if i was smarter, i would have played him because that longer, making my work much easier this way.
Women always have to salary the price for their decisions.
We have the right to never win. Since we’re either going come be called “bitches”, “sluts” and also other vibrant names because that saying that we’re no interested. Or we’re going come be referred to as “indecisive” and “a tease” if us don’t make the decision clear.
The bottom line is that we do understand what us want. We know damn fine what we want.
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But we likewise know the price the it, that the knowing. And we always have to calculation whether it’s precious it for us. Or whether it’s going come be much easier to merely be viewed as indecisive.